For anyone who has never raised a child, the idea of
parenting might seem like a rather simple thing on a day-to-day basis. After
all—how complicated can it be? Just try to be a good role model, attend to your
child’s needs, and make sure your child learns the rules of acceptable
behavior. But of course, as any parent knows, raising children is not so
simple. On any given day, there is
a set of complicated issues that can make even the most
conscientious parent feel cowed and helpless. But at the same time, there are
some general principles that can guide one’s parenting choices and make things
at least a little less complicate. If you are looking for guidance, here are a
few key qualities that all great parents have in common.
1. Making the child feel big: The last thing any parent
wants to do is give a child an overinflated sense of self-importance, but we do
want our children to know that they are capable of anything and that they do
not have to feel limited. From the parent’s perspective, instilling this sense
of self-confidence can seem difficult, but it is really just about gently
nudging the child toward the great things he or she is capable of
accomplishing.
2. Praise what is truly good: For many parents, especially
first-time parents, there is an understandable tendency to give over-the-top
praise for every single thing the child accomplishes, no matter how trivial.
This is great for the child’s self-esteem, but you also have to make sure you
give him or her something to work toward.
3. Be consistent: There are many ways in which children’s
minds differ from adult’s minds, but one of the most important is in the way
children thrive under routine and order. When there are rules that are upheld
consistently, with very few exceptions, children’s natural tendency is to go
along without hesitation. But if you are too lenient with your rules and give
too many exceptions, the child has no reason to believe that the rules are
worth taking seriously. That is where consistency comes in; no matter how hard
it is, make your child know that rules are rules, and he or she will have no
choice but to go along with them.
4. Be good: There is no underestimating the extent to which
children pick up on their parents’ behavior. And you cannot hide your own
tendencies from your children. When people live together, there are very few
secrets, and those secrets that do exist are not easily kept. So if you want to
be the best parent possible, you have to set aside any harmful or
self-destructive tendencies you may have and truly become the best person you
can be. This may in fact be the most difficult part of being a good parent, but
it also may be the most important.
5. Know your kids: Parenting guides have their uses, but you
are ultimately the only one who knows your child. Approach all outside advice
with a grain of salt; it comes from people who do not know your children as
well as you do. Most of the time, if you think about who your children are, you
can trust your instincts to determine the best course of action. There will
come a time when knowing your kids will prove difficult, so make sure you are
on the ball during the early years.
Lisa Pecos enjoys writing about topics in the parenting field. She believes in using
natural remedies first, especially when you need to soothe tummy aches.
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