Top 6 Rudest Questions Pregnant Women Get Asked

For some reason, women become community property and subject to all sorts of poking, prodding and unsolicited advice and comments once they become visibly pregnant.

It's been almost two years since I was last pregnant, but judging by the various pregnant women I am in contact with in real life and over the Twitterverse and Blogsphere, it appears that pregnant women are still being bombarded with the same judgmental and rude remarks from family, friends and strangers.

The most common acceptable questions pregnant women get are: 1. When are you due? 2. Do you know what are you having? and 3. Is this your first child?. However, some questions just are plain rude. Below, I list the top six rudest questions people ask and suggestions on how to respond.

6. Can I touch your belly?
Unfortunately, most people do not realize when they ask this question, which seems harmless, is that they are asking to invade people's personal space (6 inches is the normal minimum amount of space you should stand away from anyone who you do NOT have an intimate relationship with). Moreover, you should consider that the underside of a round bullubous belly USED TO BE THAT PERSON'S PELVIC AREA. Think about it. You are essentially asking to caress their pelvic region. Not cool when you think about it.

Bellyitch recommends: There are two ways you can approach this question. One is to walk around with your arms folded and a scowl. I have several friends and past co-workers who said they were able to shield intrusive "belly rubbers" by just not being friendly-looking when they were out and about. They said people just assumed it was the pregnancy hormones that had them that way and they were perfectly fine being "unfriended" to save themselves being rubbed. Well, that is not an easy route if you normally have a pleasant disposition and don't feel comfortable doing that.

The other option if you truly do NOT WANT the requestor rubbing your tummy is to smile politely, take your own two hands and start rubbing your own belly yourself and then PROMPTLY change the topic or talk about the pregnancy itself like "Wow, I am getting so big so fast and I have to constantly moisturize and these days there's more than cocoa butter" etc etc. The idea is to simply distract the interloper and get out of their presence as soon as possible. If you're stuck in an elevator. Boy, Good Luck! In my parents culture, some believe that people with ill intentions towards you and your baby may rub their bad mojo on the kid. EEK!

5. Were You Trying?
Again, whether it is your cousin, co-worker, Facebook friend or whomever, it is very unsettling getting this question. When you first hear it, if you haven't already heard it or if you weren't the type that already blabbed openly that you were trying to conceive, it is going to shock you.

People do not realize that, in a nutshell, they are asking, "So, have you and your husband been
having unexpected sex around the time of your ovulation in hopes that his sperm will penetrate and fertilize one of your eggs that came down from one of your Fallopian tubes?"

When re-phrased that way you can see how crazy a question it is, especially coming from someone you barely know.

Bellyitch recommends: Again, you have two options:

Option 1. If you don't have any qualms about putting people in their place, you can easily retort back, "Wow, that's a pretty personal question." Afterwards, promptly change the subject off your pregnancy altogether or ease out of the convo while the person turns beet red and slinks bank in the corner they emerged from to hit you with that question.

Option 2: But since most people do not mean any harm by the question and are just blissfully ignorant at how personal that question is, the other kinder way to reply is to say, "You know, [when we got married], we said we wanted to have children and we're blessed (and or happy) to be having this baby. (or I, in the case of a single pregnant mom). This out has you answering but not directly, if that makes sense.

4. Are You Done Having Kids? This is Your Last Child, Right?
This question is often asked of any woman who has more than one child. Even though more and more families in America and other Westernized nations are having more than two children, there is still a presumption that more than two is too much. I am usually irked by people who criticize the Duggars and their 19 (and counting) children because what is too much for one family may not be for another as there are 2 children families where the kids are messed up because the parents do such a horrible job raising them and then there are large families (not all Mormon or Catholic) where the parents do an excellent job at spending time with their kids, teaching them self-respect, manners and how to be good world citizens (as I believe the Duggars do) so what is too much and why do people care?

I do understand where a person may be coming from if that question is directed at a mother who can't take care of the children she has, is receiving public assistance and using tax payer money to care for the children she does have and maybe if there are numerous dads and no man in the picture while she is pregnant again. Nonetheless, it is a very biting comment/question that is ladened and heavy with condescending judgment. The person throwing out the question is palming off his/her opinion/values of what the right number of children is onto you, and you didn't ask for that. So not fair!

Bellyitch Recommends: Again, you have the snarky/rude option: saying something to the effect of "My that's a pretty personal question" or "Aren't you presumptuous?" or "Wow, you're trying to regulate my ovaries" or something else like that.

The friendly response, if you care to even indulge the question, is to just mention how happy you are to be pregnant or blessed with the children you do have. That you Thank God/Buddha/The Heavens/Mother Earth or whoever. In other words, change the subject because it is really none of their business if you plan to have more children or not. Even family members can hit you with this one and expect a response.

3. Do you have a Name for your baby?
This question isn't necessarily rude, but the follow ups can be if you give up the baby's name and the person asking doesn't like your choice. Some people will never be happy with the name you come up with and may flat out tell you they don't like that name. Others will just give you this look or scowl when they hear the name you come up with which will give their disapproval away . Still some will offer you other options upon hearing your selected choice. People may try to convince you why the name you select is bad: 1. it will be too common and the child will be one of 5 other XX in his class. 2. the name is too ethnic sounding and may prohibit your child from getting job interviews in the future. 3. the names don't sound good together or the initials spell something funny or vulgar. etc etc.

At the end of the day, who cares what you think, it's not your child right? People don't realize that inserting their opinion may offend or hurt the feelings of the hormonal pregnant woman they are talking to who may have spent hours, days or weeks coming up with that name with their partner. Other times, the name is a family name and what a way to be a putz than by insulting someone's mama's name.

Bellyitch Recommends: The easiest and simplest way to avoid the heartache is to not share the name with anyone except very close family members who you may let influence you to change it like your mom. It is very acceptable to say, "We have a few names picked out, but we aren't sharing it with anyone." If you are wuss, you're going to have to stand your ground and try your hardest to not get pressured by some bully in your family or job who just HAS to know or wrongly assumes he/she should be part of the few people you tell. When the baby is here, no one will say anything about the name because they will or should be too caught up in oogling over the baby.

2. Will you BreastFeed?
This is an awfully personal decision. Personally, I feel breastmilk is best and the benefits of the mother's milk are endless for the baby. But that is my opinion. I realize that there are some moms that by reason of personality, age, experience, background, or whatever are not comfortable with the idea and process. They may feel pressured into it by their Doula, hospital, doctor, family members who tell them it is natural and expected. They may feel they are/will hurt their baby if they don't succumb, but at the end of the day, your baby will most likely be fine if it gets formula and if that is your choice, it is your right. One thing about moms and some people is that they can be self-righteous and try to push their views and decisions on others. They are unwilling to see another person's perspective or recognize the benefits of a position not their own. Without fail, some people, who do not necessarily mean harm, will go into all the problems with latex, nipple confusion, gas, colic and all the ills of bottlefeeding your newborn. Not all persons will react that way, but some do and you might as well read up and prepare yourself for reacting now.

Bellyitch Recommends: If you are ready to defend your decision, which you may well have to, go right ahead and let them know you will bottle feed or will do both or supplement. If you do not think you have the patience, or simply do NOT want to engage someone in a battle over your decision. You can simply say, you are weighing your options and still making up your mind, but "don't get all those people who want to argue you down on one position or the next" so you're just staying away from the topic altogether for now. That should do it! Hopefully.

1. Will you circumcise?
This is also a very sensitive and controversial topic and if you already know and have shared with people that you will be having a boy, expect at least one person to ask you this question. The school of thought is that in the US anyway, there is a move away from automatically circumcising a child. Many pediatricians recommend the parents have the child match the father. That way when it comes to hygiene, cleaning or answering questions, it is easier if the male members all match. Some of the benefits of circumcision have been debunked and it is said within the next 10 years half the boys or more in America will be uncircumcised and half or less than half will be. Again, a personal choice and for aesthetic reasons, some people prefer the latter. Of course those that opt out of the procedure may argue how cruel it is to do to an infant especially when the reasons for doing it have been challenged in recent years. They may call the parents vain for putting their child through that because they like how a circumcised penis looks better. On the other hand, I know of instances where the parents opting against circumcision were called cruel but that is because for most adults the circumcised penis was norm when they grew up. But alas, at the end of the day, this is another personal decision that a parent does not have to answer to especially given the can of worms that will/may be open if the questioner doesn't like the answer.

Bellyitch Recommends: This is another one of those questions that if you are not ready for a potential exchange, and a possibly uncomfortable and/or heated one, simply tell the person, you haven't decided and take it very seriously but will thoroughly educate yourself on it before making a decision. You can also hit them the line from #2 about you "wanting to avoid heated debate with folks and so are not getting into it with people". At the end of the day, no one can fault you for not wanting to fight!

With all these issues, there will be those members of your family, co-workers and friends who will not accept your answer at face value and will insist on baiting you to get a rise or another answer. To this, I urge you newbie preggers moms to try your best to stand your ground and keep changing the topic each time. They will get it. Prodding, nosy, judgmental and self-righteous people don't take "NO, GO AWAY!" too easily, so GOOD LUCK!

-
photo credits
second belly rub photo: Lil Sugar's post on the Unsolicited Belly Rubbers
Couple washing dishes: From Conceive online

Share
|