The Problem with Creating A Birth Plan...

Is that pregnancy isn't the type of thing that one can really plan per se. Let's start with the fact that planned pregnancy is an oxymoron in of in itself. Getting pregnant is unpredictable. Sustaining and maintaining a pregnancy it is not always an easy feat. Ask the thousands of women who struggle with that each year. And then once you're over three months into it, you never know which of the myriad of possible symptoms will befall on you. Finally, there is no real predictor of when you will actually go into labor. That whole 40 weeks thing and "Due Date" business is all guesstimation. Isn't that why God invented planned inductions in the first place?

All jokes aside, I do believe there is some value in creating a birth plan, which is essentially a wish list of what ideally you would like to see happen during labor and delivery of your baby. It usually covers the labor, monitoring, anesthesia, delivery and post delivery periods. It is a good idea for the doctors, midwives, nurses, caregivers, hospital workers, pediatricians and such to know the details of your wishes in advance.

But at some point my over educated, over planning, control freak sisters have got to let go and realize that the whole "Birth Plan" thing is a fiction.

They can take it from my sister who worked the Labor and Delivery and Mother Baby After care that most of those "plans" go out the window the minute a woman starts to feel regular contractions. She's given me the whole gambit of stories during her career working in some the most prestigious Delivery rooms in the area. She says that many women say they will not opt for certain medications or want to control the medical pain options administered to them, when nine times out of 10 they, especially those first time moms, cannot fully comprehend the level of "watermeloness" that will be bearing down in their nether regions itching to come out and will not truly appreciate how much they will welcome an anesthesiologist until the time comes. Most times, there is one anesthesiologist and s/he is usually 10 doors and 2 other administrations away from you by the time you realize that you've officially abandoned this pipe dream of an all natural delivery, you are left to suffer until your turn comes.

So you say you want to walk around, but what if your water breaks and you have to be strapped up to a monitor to make sure the baby doesn't go into distress cause of lack of amniotic fluid? What then?

You want to pipe your own music in the room, you demand, assuming you're not gonna want to hurl the tape of Barry Manilow singing his hits across the room after two songs.

No episiotomy? Have you examined the cranium of the men on your husband's side of the family?

You prefer to touch the baby's head when he is crowning? Er, you sure you wanna go there?

I mean there are so many unknowns, it just seems a mom (and dad) can lose out on the chance of getting lost in the moment of giving birth being so consumed with making sure everything goes according to plan.

There is a benefit in the birth plan also in that it can be considered like a right of passage. You force your partner to read all the various options available and for the sake of going through the exercise, you elect the ideal one for you. You pen it down, or check the box, depending on how lazy you are (being that you downloaded a checklist version or used an online version somewhere) and you give it to your doctor, who smiles at you and promptly shuffles it to the back of your chart never to be seen again!

Go ahead, do your plan. You may feel better after you do, but I recommend using that time to make and enjoy some chewy brownies while you still have an excuse to be a glutton!

photo credit: The Ultimate Birth Plan site