Top 10 Replies to those Annoying Pregnancy Comments

After being pregnant 3 times, I think I've heard or heard of the top 10 most annoying unsolicited advice and comments people make to pregnant women. In all fairness, often times these things aren't said out of ill intentions, but rather ignorance or a lack of consideration of the mom-to-be. So as a courtesy to my pregnant readers, I've composed a series of quips you can feel free to borrow the next time you're served one of these lines:

10. Will you have another one? - Well I like to think of child birthing as a heaping full plate of food from a buffet. Sometimes, you just need to finish one plate to see if you have the stamina or will for seconds or thirds.

9. Were you trying? - you mean did I engage in the act of sex with my partner continuously and repeatedly during times of ovulation so as to conceive, is that what you want to ask?

8. Can I touch your Belly? - Sure, but before you do, I hafta warn you that this expanded area on the underpart of the belly *rub it to exemplify*, that used to be my pelvic area and I usually need to know a person for a while before I let them stroke me there.

7. You look like you're about to Pop! - Oh yeah? Your mamma!

6. Are you Carrying Twins? - Are you?

5. Are you Allowed to [Drink Coffee/Work out/ Eat that much sugar etc. etc.]? Actually I'm not, but I say "Gosh Darn it, you only live once! Go for it!"

4. You still look Good - Oh really? That's good because I was trying to decide would today be the day I start wearing a muu muu and going out of the house without make up, with mussed up hair, a house coat, slippers and bib to catch food that spills out my mouth.

3. Go ahead and eat that third piece of cake, you are eating for two. - Yup, but I got a growing LARD ASS that I'm going to have to melt off after this kid gets evicted so I think I'm going to stop at just two, but thanks for the "go-ahead" anyway Doc.

2. Do you know what you're having? Oh, Is that what you wanted? - Well actually, I wanted a mansion, two drivers, and an unlimited spending account but this baby (boy/girl) will have to do I guess.

1. What will you call her/him? - If I tell you that, I'll have to kill you!

HAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S IT!
NOW GO OUT THERE AND HAVE FUN!